Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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