I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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