i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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