You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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