I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
vagina is talking i cant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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