My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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