today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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