I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize