i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
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Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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