You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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