What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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