I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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