Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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