He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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