is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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