I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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