NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize