sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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