I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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