Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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