I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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