So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize