To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize