I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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