its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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