I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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