I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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