He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize