Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize