one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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