Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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