Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
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