I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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