They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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