hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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