I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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