im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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