theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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