why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize