I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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