I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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