So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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