I accidentally had phone sex last night
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize