what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize