wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize