Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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