dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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