I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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