I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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