Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize